Saturday, December 17, 2005

Usurper : Tijuana live report

Usurper bassist / drunk, Jon Necromancer had this to say about Usurper's Tijuana concert:

"We flew out on Friday at 12:30. We all got to the airport at 9:30 am, so we had 3 hours to kill. In typical Usurper fashion we did in the bar. Midway Airport is known for having some of the best bloody marys in Chicago, and we guzzled a shitload. We were pretty well marinated when we stumbled on the plane. I packed a bottle of proscription sleeping pills, foolishly thinking that I was gonna catch a few z's on the plane. I opened them up and gave the other guys one, and took one myself. Then Danny Boy gave me one of his crazy pills that he has to take to keep from punching out the teeth of everyone he meets. That was the last thing I remember on the flight, though I've been told it was quite a trip.

The rest of this is purely hearsay! Apparently, I took the rest of the bottle of sleeping pills and washed it down with my loaded flask of whiskey. (Later I confirmed that not only did I have no pills left, but also no whiskey!) Instead of knocking me out, it had the opposite effect. I was told that I was a wildman on the plane, and was pissing off everyone. Carcass Chris was hitting on some chick at the front of the plane. I packed a sandwich for the flight so I could snack on something. I guess I smashed the sandwich to the size of a baseball, walked up to Chris and said, "Dinner is SERVED!" and threw the thing right at his nuts. I was so incoherent that they had to wheel me off the plane in San Diego in a wheelchair. Anthony, the promoter from Command of Death Unity met us at the airport and thought it was a sick joke at first. But, he learned pretty quick that he was in for a long weekend. I have no memory of the airport, or crossing the border into Tijuana.

I "came to" while stumbling down Revolucion Ave at 12:30 at night. All of a sudden I had no idea where I was, how I got there, where the band was, or where we were staying. I called Jimmy, our roadie/special ed monitor, and they came and collected me. Most of the band went with Anthony straight to a bar where the Tecate and Jager were flowing in rivers. That was a most excellent buzz we put on, with metal cranking in the backround. When we got back to the hotel, for some reason me and Joe, and Jimmy weren't very tired if you know what I mean, so we kept at it 'till 7 or 8:00. Around 4:30 AM Anthony collected Joe and brought him back across to the border to get a bag he forgot at the airport. They were in very rough shape when they left.

Dan woke us up at 9:30. Me and him got in an arguement first thing in the morning, but we patched it up and decided to go out for some AM drinks. We stopped at every bar we passed and drank beers, and had a few tacos. It was excellent. We even took a picture in front of a donkey together in sombreros. Ain't love grand?!?! We bumped into Rigor and Chris in a bar doing the exact same thing we were doing, so we joined forces.

As morning turned into afternoon we remembered that we were supposed to go to Last Temptation Records to do some meet and greet thing. We continued to drown ourselves there, and now the memory gets hazy. We walked across the street to the venue and met everyone there. When it was time to do soundcheck we realized we lost Dan somewhere during the day. No one is really sure exactly when, but some defense mechanism snapped in his brain and he stumbled back to the hotel and passed out, so we soundchecked without him and took turns immitating him in his mic for his part of the soundcheck. It was hilarious. Afterwards me and Rick were walking back to the hotel, when we saw Dan coming the other way. He had this "Duh, where am I?" look on his face.

The show itself kicked ass. We played some songs we hadn't played live in 6 or 7 years, so it was cool to be able to do those in front of the rabid die-hard fans that were there. It was one of those nights where the crowd was the total driving force behind the set. At some point during the day I had picked up this beer holster. Its a leather holster that holds a beer with "Coors" boldly embossed in the leather. I though it would be great on stage, so right before we went on I put on this rediculous thing, cracked open a fresh Tecate and shoved it in there. I'm running around on stage and headbanging like a freak, and there's just beer showering all over the place (mostly on Chris and his pedals). After the first song Jimmy runs onstage, yoinks the beer out and shoke his finger at me with a loud "NO!". I guess if you act like a child, you'll be treated like one.

Strangely, after the show me, Rick, Joe, and Jimmy weren't tired. You'd think after all that we'd be ready for a nap, but it was as if there was something keeping us awake. Something very powerful indeed. So we stayed up until an hour before we were supposed to leave to go back to the airport. When we walked down to the hotel lobby, we saw Dan out the window, laying in the back of a pick-up truck, spilling beer all over his face and drunkenly yelling at everyone. He was completely covered in black magic marker. We couldn't get him out so we just piled all our gear on top of him. Eventually he crawled out like the Creature from the Black Lagoon and piled into the van for the trip back across the border.

At the aiport the guys checked in (me and Joe took a train to LA to party for a few more daze, which is another story all together). This time though it was Carcass' turn to be out of hand on the airplane. I guess the flight attendant was some gay guy who kept hitting on Chris by giving him free drinks the whole flight. Not being one to turn down a drink, Chris took total advantage of it. During the final approach he stood up and announced to the plane, "I gotta take a shit!". As soon as he closed the shitter door, the plane hit all this turbulence. It raddled the door pretty bad. Chris was so fucked up he ran out of there and accused everyone of banging on the door while he was in there, like everyone was playing a joke on him. Some joke.

I'm sure that by this time poor Rick was ready to fire his entire band for being a bunch of fucking alcoholic/drug addict losers who couldn't control themselves out of a wet paper bag if they had to. Sorry bro.
Anthony and all the gang at Command of Death Unity deserve some kind of fucking medal for putting up with us and being so cool and patient the entire time. They were fucking unbelievable, and also just as much a part of the debauchery as we were. True fucking warriors. A lot more happened down there, but it was basically more of the same. "
- Jon (Usurper)

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